Hahaha. Explosions abound. My day was a bit awkward. I did some things. I did some nothings. When I think back to writing it, I don't care for it. I just don't feel like writing about it. My mind was elsewhere the whole time. I remember it in bits in pieces from when I was talking to people (which I'm sure is hilarious to watch since I'm so bad at it). It's as if when I'm doing nothing, I wish I were doing something. When I'm doing something, I wish I was doing something else. "I never understand these things I feel." Ben Folds always messes up my thinking. Well, messes up in that I tend to think of other things while listening. I guess a sign of truly great songwriting. *sigh*
I used to listen to them while I killed some time in the library before. It always gets me to wondering what it is I believe and why I believe it. I have only a few core beliefs and, as far as I can tell, I only believe them because they were crammed down my throat at a young age. I know, a great reason hahaha. So then, why is it I believe it now? As a kid I would have believed just about anything. Kids do that. I was like that for quite a while (heh, I believed a Santa, in one form or another, existed until I was about 12). In a way I still am. On a car ride back home tonight, it just sorta dawned on me. A few people have asked why I believe in God, in a logical sort of way. My only real response is that you or I can't prove that He doesn't exist. You can believe He doesn't. You can believe that They're something else. Whatever. So it came into my head this night, why not? I mean, not in that way. Just...hrm...how to phrase this. If the basis for my beliefs now are only due to what I was told and believed when I was younger, how much more true are they than what could have been told to me when I was young? I do not have the reasoning to not believe in just about any diety that is thrown at me, because I probably would have believed it and continued to believe it.
The more I think about my life up to this point, the more messed up it seems. I dunno, maybe my lethargy has just really been a lifelong thing and there just isn't much to remember. It just seems like there was a specific thing where things changed and I can't get at what it is. It's just one of the handfull of thoughts that keep me awake when I'm trying to get to sleep.
Oh well. Merry Christmas, chumps.