What to do

 
rant by Dereck
categories: Design 20, Music, Life, In a Car, Snow
2008-01-23 19:37:37
 
it's all wrong

An image:

There's a shallow valley between to two very long and slightly inclined hills. There's a hole in the valley. A pit. Rolling down the valley and into the pit are boulders of various sizes. You can watch the boulders roll slowly down the hills and into the pit. You hear a thud as the boulder collides with the other boulders. You hear, just faintly, a groan.

The boulders continue to fill the pit for months at a time. Suddenly, but not entirely unexpectedly, the groan gets a little louder. A little louder. Louder. Then, a scream. Not a scream of fear or pain, but of pure frustration.

Boulders begin to fly from the pit in every direction. As the size and intimidation of the pile diminishes, intermittent screams, sighs, and moans are heard. You can hear them getting softer, less intense, with each boulder that flies from the pit. Finally, just as you begin to make out the shape of a human being in the pit, the noises and the flying boulders stop.

You're unsure who the person in the pit is, but you can see that the boulders that they've thrown have all landed on the hills and are already working their way down into the valley, towards the pit. You're unsure what the person in the pit can see, but you're pretty sure that they know the boulders are on their way.

it's all wrong

I've become somewhat obsessed with trying to find a way to organize all of the things I want to do and all of the things that I have to do. In one of my attempts, I envisioned all of my tasks (work, websites, bills, whatever) as a large stack of blocks. At the very bottom of the stack was a block labeled "free time". This is my ideal life, I've determined. Nothing but free time. If there's something to be done, I'll either do it or I won't. I would certainly have no need for an Excel sheet full of blocks telling me what needs to be done. And that's the point of these sheets: to remove the need for these sheets.

When it comes to projects that I would like to work on, I am private to a fault. While I think seeing a massive stack of all of my projects and project ideas would be helpful, I dread the day that such a list would exist and fall into the line of sight of anyone else. It's for this reason that I don't have an Excel sheet full of project ideas. Instead, I think of them during work or in my car and envision this stack. It's huge and getting larger all the time. My ideal life, crushed beneath.

it's alright

It snowed. I haven't seen snow in about a year. While annoying at times, I do quite miss it. As I drove home, snow was covering everything along the way. The grass, the barren trees, the road-side trash, and the parked cars. Everything loses its character and begins to blend together. I play some Camera Obscura on my mp3 player and enjoy the relaxing drive. The thoughts of stacks and projects completely disappear. Covered in snow, I suppose. It's a glimpse of something I can't quite describe.

An attempt:

It's brief, but everything seems right. As much as everything can be right, it is all right.